Confessions of a Somniphobic

The clock is ticking and its past 3:00 am. Yet, I am wide awake. I am feeling nauseous, my body so weak my mind screaming for sleep. Still I am fighting hard not to close my eyes. The dread of sleeping alone in a hotel room brings horrible thoughts to my brain. A little more hours and its gonna be sunrise. Though Knowing for a fact that with lack of a proper sleep, my day would become a surreal half-existence This state is never new to me in fact its just a typical night for a Somniphobic like me. I have developed this irrational fear way back in my childhood. I would lay awake in bed, shivering in fear thinking rapidly that sleep would never be a possibility I would consumed with fear every night, tormenting my mind with terrifying thoughts. Thoughts such as ghost, or that someone or something is in my room. My body would literally jitter in fear I couldn't control. I would constantly avoid sleep in any way. Often times I would find myself creeping under the bed or hiding inside the closet and lull my self to sleep. I would feel more secure in those places than in the comfort of my own bed. I am only comforted when I have someone sleep in my bed with me.

As I entered college I am able to slowly conquer my fear, at times I would be able to sleep in a short lengths of time. Until I have discovered the remedy to my adversity I got myself a pet dog which I allow to sleep in my room. From that time I am able to savor sleep. Sometimes I would overcome with insomnia. But it frequently bothers me.

Dilemma Returns......

My trouble with sleep returns when I landed my third job. It requires a lot of traveling which means most of the time I would be sleeping alone and I felt awful. The moment I step inside a hotel room I would be very keen with everything, I would check all the windows if it is properly lock, peek under the bed, etc. etc. I would keep ball pens and sharp objects under my pillow. But like what it is before I would never shut my eyes. I would never let sleep invade me. I would glue my eyes on the window and door as if I'm waiting for someone or something to enter. And worst I have developed new fears. Fear of going inside a huge bathroom and fear of taking an elevator and to be left alone inside. This is affecting my life. I have been in war with my fear and with my self every time I travel. Fear is something so difficult to fight with.. Sleep is a great thing. You'll be able to enter a realm of dreams, fantasies and endless possibilities. But for me and for those people having the same condition as mine. Good night sleep is a dream for us.